Communication Lessons
Trina L. Noble
COMM 321
Ms. Brandy Ross
May 25, 2009
Communication Lessons
Some people say that people are born to be great speakers. It is not something that can be taught. I have always disagreed. I was president of my speech team in high school, took a couple of college level speech and communication classes where I received excellent grades, and spoke publicly on several occasions. I feel that if you know your topic and your audience, (along with a few nerve settling techniques), the rest should fall into place. The object of your communication is to get your point across. “…it refers to both the content and quality of messages relayed and the possibility of further relationship development” (Daniton, 2004). I thought that since I was good at public speaking, I was automatically a good communicator. I found out that this is not true. Communication is a complex process. Through my recent study of interpersonal, group, and organizational communication, I have realized that I still have a lot left to learn.
The definition of interpersonal communication is “two person, face to face interaction”. (Trenholm, p.141). This, for me, might be with my husband, my children, or the barista at Starbucks. I, of course, would handle each interaction differently. But, I have realized that I can handle each interaction better. I have always tried to teach my children to treat others as you want to be treated. I try to live by that rule. With the Starbucks barista, eye contact and a simple smile while speaking can make for a pleasant visit. This holds true for any short-term communication with strangers. I try to be the same toward people at the grocery store or a person just walking down my street. Nothing irritates me more than unfriendly people. I also know that not every encounter is going to be a pleasant one. I realize that type of communication is completely different than communication with a friend or family member. As I had stated in my relationship development paper, my husband and I are going through the novelty-predictability tension described by Baxter and Rawlins. I feel that it is the same routine day in and day out and we have fallen into a rut. In the past, I have just ignored the problem with the fear of becoming more dissatisfied. After reading about reaffirmation, I realized that is the way we need to deal with this dialectical tension. We need to realize that there are certain routines that our lives will follow, but still try to find spontaneity. This is also true with my children. We, too, fall into the same routine with school, homework, and sports. We need to find more time to work on our relationship as a family and still fit in all of the things that they love to do. In any relationship, there needs to be balance. That is something that I am definitely learning. Both sides need to learn how to communicate their wants and needs as well as listen to the other person.
Listening is one area of communication that I have always performed poorly. “Most of us were fortunate to be born with hearing, but listening is a skill that must be learned” (Manning, 2009). I have found this to be so true. Having four kids tends to make you get lost in your own life and problems. I have lost a very good friend because of that. I was so caught up in my family and my life that I did not stop long enough to listen what she was going through. Yes, I heard her, but I didn’t really listen. There is a big difference. She got tired of her feelings not being considered, that we no longer speak. I have since learned that I am not the only person in the dyad, and I need to improve my listening skills in my personal relationships. Listening because you have to and listening because you want to are two completely different things. With family and friends, you should listen because you want to. I have found that it is okay to talk about my problems with my friends, but I need to be empathetic to anything that they might be going through at the time. Sometimes my issues need to be put on the back burner. In a work environment, you more or less listen because you have to. As stated in my personal constructs paper, if I did not listen to my clients at the Child Support Agency, a payment may not be processed, therefore a child may not get something that they need. Listening is an integral part of communication as is speaking itself. Being a good speaker or a good listener does not automatically make you a good communicator. You need to perform on both ends of the dyad. This holds true for two person communication as well as group communication.
When I am told to join a group to complete a project, I cringe. In group situations is where I feel that I have a lot of communication breakdown. “When there is a communication breakdown in the workplace, it is important to understand what went wrong and how you contributed to what did not work” (Kowalski, 2008). This is definitely something that I need to work on. I understand the point of group synergy in that there is more effectiveness in groups, but I feel that I work much better alone. (Trenholm, p. 180). If I had to choose five characteristics to describe me in a group setting, they would have to be quiet, not confident, impatient, follower, and insecure. I never voice my opinion for fear of rejection. I definitely have a personal space bubble. I do not like for people to be too close to me or to touch me in any way when we are talking. It makes me very uncomfortable and I become very irritated. Unfortunately it is not something that I let people know upfront. They figure it out eventually due to my reaction. Now this only holds true for professional groups. My personal and family groups are completely different. I come from a very large Italian family. My family is very affectionate. It is something that I have gotten used to and I am comfortable with because I know them. At family gatherings, nothing is held back. You need to jump in and speak up if you want to have your turn to be heard. The same is true for my home life. I hold nothing back. I am a very outspoken person, almost to a fault. I feel that I am good about getting my point across but unfortunately, I sometimes do it the wrong way. When we have a family meeting and discuss issues with our children, I tend to feel like I have the upper hand and take control immediately. When anger takes over, I sometimes lose my cool quickly and say things that cannot be taken back. This is where I need to go back and again review the listening skills that also apply in dyadic communication. I need to take into consideration the feelings of the other members of the group and remember that it is supposed to be a discussion where all sides have input.
After I finally get my degree, I would love to work in the field of Human Resources. I am definitely a people person and I think that I would enjoy helping employees with anything that would make their work experience easier and more enjoyable. I feel that due to my previous work history, I already possess a great deal of the qualifications that are required to work in this field. After reading about Organizational Communication, I was able to better list these qualifications. I have strong work content skills such as training new employees and experience in designing and organizing new employee training manuals. I have also been trained in handling client complaints and finding suitable resolutions. These are all major aspects of a job in Human Resources. The personal attributes that I realized that I have are a strong work ethic, enjoyment working with others and being an efficient communicator. Although my technology skills are not as strong as they could be, I am a fast and eager learner. I do have the basic computer knowledge and excessive typing skills. These skills, as well as life experience, will help me to become a valuable asset to any company.
Communication is inevitable. “We can’t not communicate. The very attempt not to communicate communicates something” (King, 2000). Before choosing Communications as my major, I thought as long as I was a good speaker, that I was a good communicator. After learning more and more, I am finding out that this is not true. Communication is a never-ending process. People are communicating all the time. And just because you are not speaking, does not mean that you are not communicating. I am also learning that listening is a very integral part of communication. I still have a lot left to learn. Hopefully when it’s all said and done, I can say that I have honestly learned how to communicate well.
Bibliography
Dainton (2004). Explaining Theories of Interpersonal Communication. Retrieved May 25,
King, D (2000). Four Principles of Interpersonal Communication. Retrieved May 25, 2009
Kowalski, K (2008). The Journal of Continuing Education in Nursing. Retrieved May 25,
2009 from ProQuest Direct Database
Manning, M (2009). Training Journal. P. 76. Retrieved May 25, 2009 from ProQuest Direct
Database.
Trenholm, S. (2008) Thinking Through Communication: An Introduction to the Study of
Human Communication. Boston. Pearson Education, Inc.
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