Communication Lessons

Trina L. Noble

COMM 321

Ms. Brandy Ross

May 25, 2009

Communication Lessons

     Some people say that people are born to be great speakers.  It is not something that can be taught.  I have always disagreed.  I was president of my speech team in high school, took a couple of college level speech and communication classes where I received excellent grades, and spoke publicly on several occasions.  I feel that if you know your topic and your audience, (along with a few nerve settling techniques), the rest should fall into place.  The object of your communication is to get your point across.   “…it refers to both the content and quality of messages relayed and the possibility of further relationship development” (Daniton, 2004).   I thought that since I was good at public speaking, I was automatically a good communicator.  I found out that this is not true.  Communication is a complex process.  Through my recent study of interpersonal, group, and organizational communication, I have realized that I still have a lot left to learn.

     The definition of interpersonal communication is “two person, face to face interaction”. (Trenholm, p.141).  This, for me, might be with my husband, my children, or the barista at Starbucks.  I, of course, would handle each interaction differently.  But, I have realized that I can handle each interaction better.  I have always tried to teach my children to treat others as you want to be treated.  I try to live by that rule.  With the Starbucks barista, eye contact and a simple smile while speaking can make for a pleasant visit.  This holds true for any short-term communication with strangers.  I try to be the same toward people at the grocery store or a person just walking down my street.  Nothing irritates me more than unfriendly people.  I also know that not every encounter is going to be a pleasant one.  I realize that type of communication is completely different than communication with a friend or family member.  As I had stated in my relationship development paper, my husband and I are going through the novelty-predictability tension described by Baxter and Rawlins.  I feel that it is the same routine day in and day out and we have fallen into a rut.  In the past, I have just ignored the problem with the fear of becoming more dissatisfied.  After reading about reaffirmation, I realized that is the way we need to deal with this dialectical tension.  We need to realize that there are certain routines that our lives will follow, but still try to find spontaneity.  This is also true with my children.  We, too, fall into the same routine with school, homework, and sports.  We need to find more time to work on our relationship as a family and still fit in all of the things that they love to do.  In any relationship, there needs to be balance.  That is something that I am definitely learning.  Both sides need to learn how to communicate their wants and needs as well as listen to the other person.

      Listening is one area of communication that I have always performed poorly.  “Most of us were fortunate to be born with hearing, but listening is a skill that must be learned” (Manning, 2009).  I have found this to be so true.  Having four kids tends to make you get lost in your own life and problems.  I have lost a very good friend because of that.  I was so caught up in my family and my life that I did not stop long enough to listen what she was going through.  Yes, I heard her, but I didn’t really listen.  There is a big difference.  She got tired of her feelings not being considered, that we no longer speak.  I have since learned that I am not the only person in the dyad, and I need to improve my listening skills in my personal relationships. Listening because you have to and listening because you want to are two completely different things.  With family and friends, you should listen because you want to. I have found that it is okay to talk about my problems with my friends, but I need to be empathetic to anything that they might be going through at the time.  Sometimes my issues need to be put on the back burner.  In a work environment, you more or less listen because you have to.  As stated in my personal constructs paper, if I did not listen to my clients at the Child Support Agency, a payment may not be processed, therefore a child may not get something that they need.  Listening is an integral part of communication as is speaking itself.   Being a good speaker or a good listener does not automatically make you a good communicator.  You need to perform on both ends of the dyad.  This holds true for two person communication as well as group communication.

     When I am told to join a group to complete a project, I cringe.  In group situations is where I feel that I have a lot of communication breakdown.  “When there is a communication breakdown in the workplace, it is important to understand what went wrong and how you contributed to what did not work” (Kowalski, 2008).  This is definitely something that I need to work on.  I understand the point of group synergy in that there is more effectiveness in groups, but I feel that I work much better alone.  (Trenholm, p. 180).   If I had to choose five characteristics to describe me in a group setting, they would have to be quiet, not confident, impatient, follower, and insecure.  I never voice my opinion for fear of rejection.  I definitely have a personal space bubble.  I do not like for people to be too close to me or to touch me in any way when we are talking.  It makes me very uncomfortable and I become very irritated.  Unfortunately it is not something that I let people know upfront.  They figure it out eventually due to my reaction.  Now this only holds true for professional groups.  My personal and family groups are completely different.  I come from a very large Italian family.  My family is very affectionate.  It is something that I have gotten used to and I am comfortable with because I know them.  At family gatherings, nothing is held back.  You need to jump in and speak up if you want to have your turn to be heard.  The same is true for my home life.  I hold nothing back.  I am a very outspoken person, almost to a fault.  I feel that I am good about getting my point across but unfortunately, I sometimes do it the wrong way.  When we have a family meeting and discuss issues with our children, I tend to feel like I have the upper hand and take control immediately.  When anger takes over, I sometimes lose my cool quickly and say things that cannot be taken back.  This is where I need to go back and again review the listening skills that also apply in dyadic communication.  I need to take into consideration the feelings of the other members of the group and remember that it is supposed to be a discussion where all sides have input. 

     After I finally get my degree, I would love to work in the field of Human Resources.  I am definitely a people person and I think that I would enjoy helping employees with anything that would make their work experience easier and more enjoyable.  I feel that due to my previous work history, I already possess a great deal of the qualifications that are required to work in this field.  After reading about Organizational Communication, I was able to better list these qualifications.  I have strong work content skills such as training new employees and experience in designing and organizing new employee training manuals.  I have also been trained in handling client complaints and finding suitable resolutions.  These are all major aspects of a job in Human Resources.  The personal attributes that I realized that I have are a strong work ethic, enjoyment working with others and being an efficient communicator.  Although my technology skills are not as strong as they could be, I am a fast and eager learner.  I do have the basic computer knowledge and excessive typing skills.  These skills, as well as life experience, will help me to become a valuable asset to any company.

     Communication is inevitable.   “We can’t not communicate.  The very attempt not to communicate communicates something” (King, 2000).  Before choosing Communications as my major, I thought as long as I was a good speaker,   that I was a good communicator.  After learning more and more, I am finding out that this is not true.  Communication is a never-ending process.  People are communicating all the time.  And just because you are not speaking, does not mean that you are not communicating.  I am also learning that listening is a very integral part of communication.  I still have a lot left to learn.  Hopefully when it’s all said and done, I can say that I have honestly learned how to communicate well.

Bibliography

Dainton (2004).   Explaining Theories of Interpersonal Communication.  Retrieved May 25,

     2009 from http://www.sagapub.com/upm-data/4984_Dainton_Chapter_3.pdf.

King, D (2000).  Four Principles of Interpersonal Communication.  Retrieved May 25, 2009

     from http://www.pstcc.edu/factstaff/dking/interpr.htm.

Kowalski, K (2008).  The Journal of Continuing Education in Nursing.  Retrieved May 25,

     2009 from ProQuest Direct Database

Manning, M (2009).  Training Journal.  P. 76.  Retrieved May 25, 2009 from ProQuest Direct

     Database.     

Trenholm, S. (2008) Thinking Through Communication: An Introduction to the Study of

     Human Communication.  Boston. Pearson Education, Inc.

This is the final posting for my blog. I have tried for 6 weeks to update certain things on the page and to put information on my profile and it is not letting me. I am not sure if I am just doing something wrong or if it is an issue with the program.  My blog is like me: plain and simple. I don't like things too flashy and busy, so that is exactly how I have designed this.

This blog is called My So Called Crazy Life, but so far all I have posted are assignments from class. Not so exciting, huh? I have tried to post a profile but it keeps telling me that there is an error and will not let me add information.  After about the 6th try in 4 weeks, I have given up. 
Unfortunately, it is hard enough for me to keep up with my 4 kids, work, school and life in general.  I am going to be so happy when I am finally done with classes and able to get back to a somewhat normal life (if that is at all possible).  Normal really has never been in my vocabulary, starting during my childhood.
I will learn what I am doing on this, hopefully before this class is finished.  I can't say if it is something that I would continue, but we will see.

Week 3 Assignment

     There are many ways that managers can handle their employees.  They need to be careful about how they handle situations so that they do not escalate, or that they do not say the wrong thing that could possible get the company sued.

     The most important rule when discussing a problem with an employee is to make sure that you do not do it in front of other people.  It should be done behind closed doors so that nobody is embarrassed or uncomfortable.

     When it comes to actual communication techniques, there are many to keep in mind.  One very important behavioral technique is to “focus on the problem not the person: (pbs.org).  Often times, managers may form opinions of their employees based on what they hear.  Opinions need to be kept out of situations like this.  An important negotiation technique is to “listen without interrupting; ask for feedback if needed to assure a clear understanding of the issue” (pbs.org).  There is always two sides to every story.  For example, the employee many not have received the proper training to be able to perform his/her job accurately.

     Another good technique is “don’t view the situation as a competition where one has to win and the other has to lose. Work toward a solution where both parties have some of their needs met” (pbs.org).  A manager does not need to go in thinking that he is going to terminate the employee.  This is another case where there may be a reason for the employee’s actions and there may be a solution so that this does not happen anymore.  Any misunderstandings need to be cleared up.  The manager must be upfront and hones with the employee about the information that he/she has received without being harsh and without making judgments or jumping to conclusions.

     Misunderstandings are a big part of poor communication and communication conflict.  Everyone needs to get on the same page.  Information needs to be gathered properly and accurately to make sure that all of the facts are straight.  If there are any lies or falsehoods, it can turn bad for everyone involved.  Proper communication toward a conflict resolution needs to start at the beginning and continue until the issue is resolved.

There are many forms of media technology.  Some have been around for a very long time, and some are new. Some are easier than others. 

Email is a form of communication that almost everyone is familiar with.  It can be used for something as simple as just saying hello, or for business purposes such as sending a meeting agenda to employees.  It can be used to communicate back and forth with one person or with many people.  It was the first form of electronic communication and is now used by millions every day.  While email is very effective to communicate a message, it is very difficult to communicate feelings so sometimes things can be misunderstood.  People must be very careful how they word things in their emails so they do not offend anyone.  They have created emoticons to show certain emotions which does seem to help.

Many people have steered away from email for personal use just because there are so many other forms of media communication.  It is still used in many business settings because it is so easy send messages to mass amounts of people at one time.  For example, many stores have mailing lists of thousands of people and they send out advertisements on a weekly basis.

 The internet is a form a media technology that has so many possibilities.  It has so many purposes and our world would not be where it is today without it.  A person can search for anything that they want and find information on any topic.  It can be used for personal use, professional use, school purposes, and the list goes on and on.  It is the basis for many of the other media technologies.  We could not use Facebook without the internet.  We could not take our online college courses without the internet. We can conduct most things in our lives on the internet, such as paying our bills, buying a car, shopping, watching movies, keeping in contact with family and friends, making appointments and so much more.  Unfortunately, there is a dark side to the internet. People can steal your identity, use websites to commit other crimes, and post videos that really shoudn't be seen by anyone. 

The internet is universal and more and more is added every day.  There is something to find for everyone who is looking.  One search will bring up many choices and sites to look at to gather information.  Some are legitimate, others are not to be trusted.  It is sometimes difficult to tell the difference.

Facebook is used by millions of people every day. At first, it was created for people to keep in contact with each other and to socialize. That is why it is considered a social network.   It has grown to be so much more. People not only use Facebook to keep in contact with friends and family, they use it to post pictures to share, play games, shop, look for jobs, keep up on the latest news, follow their favorite celebrities in their every day lives, listen to music, watch videos, plan parties, wish people a Happy Birthday,make people aware of certain causes, or just let people know what you are doing at any particular moment.  People of all ages use Facebook.  It is fairly easy to navigate.  One downfall, from personal experience, is that they keep changing the layout which does tend to get confusing from time to time. 

There is also a scary side of Facebook.  People pretend to be somebody that they are not.  There are child predators, seaching for that vulnerable child that will tell them anything that they want.  They will send messages or videos with viruses in them in order to gain you information or destroy your computer.  People use Facebook to bully others, especially kids.  They use Facebook to distribute pornagraphic material.  People, especially kids, should be very careful.

Smartphones are a form of media technology that more and more people are acquiring.  It is all of the above right at your fingertips with the benefit of also being used as a telephone.  They can be used for business or pleasure. You can download applications to help with your grocery shopping, directions, recipes, games, email, movies, television, game scores, internet, and much more.  It is a cell phone so it is small enough to be taken anywhere. It is amazing how something so little can store so much information. 

There are so many more types of media technology and I am sure that there will be so many more things to come. I look at the capabilities that we have now, and I can't even imagine what they will come up with in the future.

Here we go!!

So this is the first time that I have ever done this so I'm not real sure where to begin. This blog is going to be about my life and how I got to be the person that I am. I'm not sure that anyone will find what I have to say very interesting but I guess we will find out. Many people tell me that I should write a book about all that happened while I was growing up, and continues to happen now. I suppose this is a good start.